Mass Effect: My Fiction
by Mr.Brainheart
Summary: Story about fictional adventures, during the happenings of Mass Effect. Following the crew of the Normandy SR1.  mainly Shepard and Ashley
1. Chapter 1

_This is my first piece of FanFiction and I don't know if I can properly write a story. I decided to give it a shot though and I would be grateful if you left a review: If you think I can't write a story, please tell me and if you think I should keep writing, than please tell me also ( in this scenario constructive critisism would be welcome). It's a short chapter, but if I decide to do more I will probably make longer chapters. This is a Mass Effect story which will probably focus on Shepard (male) and Ashley (Don't worry she is female as ever.), but the other characters from ME get large roles too. I don't think I'll be writing about ingame stuff much, but the story will follow the same basic plotline. Anyway enough about that, I hope you enjoy the read!_

**Still ****fallin'**

It felt like it was only yesterday that they dropped down in the Mako and yet here they were, doing it all over again.

Shepard didn't like the hassle, squeezing into the damn thing, only to be rewarded with a slightly nauseating free fall onto a barren and desolated planet. He wasn't in the mood, why did everything need to land on his shoulders?

'Another day, another drop' Ashley said in a surprisingly cheerful tone, she had been itching to get back in the thick of it, whilst Shepard had been hoping to get out of it. Normally he liked her positive attitude, but today it irritated him, everything irritated him.

'Why did you take me with you on this mission, Shepard?' Wrex grumbled, whilst trying to fit into the Mako, 'Investigating a distress call that could have come from anywhere within a thousand mile radius. It's just gonna be hours of wandering around without a damn thing to shoot.'

'You were the one complaining about not seeing enough action Wrex, so I give you some and you still complain.' Shepard replied.

'Hah, action, that's a good one, Shepard. I meant blasting heads of people not searching heads of people, that's boring.'

'Don't be so depressing, maybe you're lucky and we'll encounter a thresher maw. I'll give you first shot!' Ash was looking forward to stretching her legs again, although she wasn't even sure if they would actually get out of the Mako.

'Like we'd be that lucky. Why didn't you take the Asari with you, she seems to like boring stuff.' Wrex sneered back at him. 'Shut it and do your job, Wrex!' Shepard was clearly getting annoyed. He had a rogue Specter to chase and possibly a lot of lives to save, yet all he did was stupid jobs any soldier could do. 'I'm a Spectre!' He thought 'I can do any damn thing I want too, so why am I still doing jobs like an errand boy?'

'You okay, Sir?' Ashley wasn't sure if this was the right time to ask, but she was worried about him. He seemed to get more and more depressed with every passing day. She had needed time to clear her mind from all the private stuff that happened to her the past few weeks, she didn't have the time nor the capacity to take on his problems as well, besides did he even want help? She felt inclined to give him some, which puzzled her; she always felt you could best solve a personal problem yourself. What is the point of sharing a puzzle that only you understand, with someone else?

'Ready for the drop Commander?'

'We're ready and waiting Joker'

'Good, but there is quite a storm coming up, it looks like it might effect communications for an hour or so, you sure about this?'

'Yesterday we delayed, because of a storm and I'm not going to waste anymore time sitting around, we're going to drop in.' Shepard knew this wasn't standard procedure, but he felt like he couldn't waste more time.

'If you say so, you can make the jump whenever you're ready' Joker replied. He looked back at Kaidan: 'Is the Commander feeling alright? I mean, normally he would call off an attack, because he's in the middle of an exciting chapter of ''The Odyssey''or something.'

'And you always say I worry too much...Honestly though, I wouldn't know why he suddenly has haste.' Kaidan replied, 'Still the storm will be over in a few hours and there are no reports of great danger down there, so they'll be fine.'

'Get us down there Wrex.'

The wheels slowly started turning 'And I'm fine, Williams. Just a little…I'm fine.', 'Uh-huh' Ash simply replied as the Mako crawled forward. 'Why am I not allowed to be a bit mopey from time to time?' Meanwhile They reached the end of the hanger. 'Going in' Wrex said, immediately followed by a kick of adrenaline, signalling the drop had begun. As they rushed down towards the planet, Shepard felt a slight dizziness coming up and, as usual, accompanied with the feeling his stomach just twisted 180 degrees.

'This thing is shaking like crazy, skipper! Must be that damn storm.' 'I'll remind them to put some padding in next time' Shepard said just before everything began to turn before his eyes.

The thrusters flared up as they were swiftly approaching the rocks and dry sand. 'Bah, the storms here are worse than on Tuchanka! I can't keep this damn coffin straight!' Wrex tried his best to keep it and himself under control, but couldn't resist giving the controls a good smack.

'I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure that kicking the thing that should keep you alive is not a great idea!' Ash replied, whilst pulling Wrex's arm back.

'Brace yourselves!' Wrex shouted. The Mako fell down like a feather floating downwards on the wind. They passed the hills, still plummeting, when the thrusters set in again with full power, slightly throwing them off course.

"Aaaoww!" Ash screamed, Shepard moaned and Wrex simply smiled. They'd landed.

'Get that smirk off your face, before someone else does.' Ash sneered. 'You alright Skipper, you look pale.'

'I'll live, just give me a minute, how is the Mako though?'


	2. Chapter 2

_So Chapter 2 of my First fanfic, a bit longer than the first Chapter. In this Chapter I tried to focus a little more on the characters and their thoughts, next to the banter and I put in some scene's other to what is happening planetside. Please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy the read!_

_P.S.: I doubt whether I'll get the next chapters written&published as quick as this one (=one week from Chap. 1), just for future reference._

* * *

><p><strong>Unresolved Issues<strong>

'_The Alliance is constantly asking me to do this and that and whatever, I can't turn my back on it. I know they don't order me to go on these missions, but they know me, I can't refuse to save those damn marines in trouble or anything else that involves the life's of good people, not after what happened on Akuze.' _

Anderson figured there would have been a long pause after that. He understood what Shepard was going through, that was probably why he was always going back to him for help. He continued reading the mail:

'_Add to that the pressure, "You're still a human and you still work for the Alliance Shepard" and refusing gets even harder. Either way I'm sick of it, if they keep asking me these "favours" I'm going to refuse it, no matter what. I'm sorry for still asking you for help, but I don't know who else to turn to, so please, if you can get the pressure of me, I would be very grateful.'_

Anderson doubted whether he could be of much help, but he'd try nonetheless. He knew Shepard didn't like calling others for help, but he also knew that Anderson didn't mind.

...

'So why are you asking me this and not Shepard, Captain Anderson?' Admiral Hackett said

'If I'd have to guess, he thinks he'll only get another speech, no real answer or understanding. I don't think you can offer much else than that though'

'Well that be as it may, but if the Alliance needs help and Shepard is the closest by, I won't hesitate to make the call. If Shepard refuses, that's going to stir up a lot of emotions. People will say that he's a sell out, only listening to the council, proof that we need to stand alone if we want to achieve something.' Hackett seemed concerned.

'Couldn't you say that Shepard is on a mission important to the Alliance? We need to give him this chance, we went through hell to get him this far.'

'Shepard is more than just another Spectre. He's a symbol, whether he likes it or not. A symbol of a human building bridges between us and the other species. If he wishes to refuse, I'll accept that, he has an important mission, but politically that just won't go unnoticed. That's all I can say. If Shepard wants to continue this conversation he will just have to contact me himself.'

'I understand, sir. I'll forward what you said'

'Hackett out.'

Anderson sat down and started thinking; it was he who put Shepard forward, what if he wasn't up to the task? Did he think about what Shepard wanted when he suggested him as Spectre candidate? Or did he push him, because he wanted Shepard to do what he couldn't, not looking at what Shepard wanted.

He poured himself a brandy and stared over the Citadel lake, pondering.

* * *

><p>'One of the thrusters is broken' Wrex said 'if you wanna fix it, looks like you'll have to do it from the outside'<p>

'Well, what are we waiting for; let's get the hell out of this box!' Ashley said.

'Alright, alright, what's with the hurry?'

'I've been locked up in a tin can for a month or so, I'm ground patrol stuff…I just can't wait to get out' There was an excitement in her voice, that made Shepard smile despite of his mood.

The hatch to the side of the Mako slowly opened and the particles of dust and sand blew into the Mako. Shepard crawled out and set first foot on land, only to have a rock slip away from under his foot, falling onto the sand.

'Nice going! I can really see why they picked you for Spectre!' Ash joked

'God! Can't I get a break…Shepard first human Spectre, set out on an important mission, but slipped on a rock and broke his neck. That would be my luck.' He sighed

'Oh C'mon, stop moping, you're not a big baby…sir.' He grabbed her hand and she pulled him up. Ashley's eyes slowly turned towards those of Shepard. Shepard's grim expression turned into a soft smile.

Suddenly they both realized that they held each others gaze for a little too long. Ashley was the first to snap out of it and to restore her posture she quickly spoke: 'So think you can fix it?'

Shepard looked at the thruster for a few seconds and replied 'I think so, it'll take a little while though.' 'You go ahead and explore for a bit.' He saw the doubt on Ashley's face and knew what she was thinking, leaving someone alone isn't standard procedure, but Shepard had enough of it, he was throwing rules out of the window one by one. 'I'll be fine, the sooner we get our bearings, the sooner we can continue the actual mission.'

Ash hesitated, but she figured Shepard would have things under control. 'Well, I'm going for a stroll then, you joining me, Wrex?'

'Oh sure, I love walks, maybe we can do a picnic while we're at it.'

'You know, I like blunt Wrex better than the sarcastic one.' Ash sneered with a smirk on her face.

* * *

><p>Ashley and Wrex had walked away from Shepard, who just started on fixing the broken thruster. Whilst he was busy his thoughts drifted away, back to a few days ago<p>

On the Normandy:

_I walked into the mess for a, albeit lousy, breakfast. No one there, but Ash. She was staring away, but she looked happy, which had been a change. It was a sign that she was acclimatizing. "Hey, Ash, what's with the smile?" _

"_What, aren't the low folk allowed to smile?"_

"_It's good to see you brightening up again, never thought of you as much of a downer."_

"_You' know I'm glad to be here now, make a real contribution. Also I finally got to speak with my mom again, she was worried, hadn't heard anything about me since Eden Prime! When she heard I was serving under the first human Spectre, she was real proud!" She took a bite of the food "Ugh! You know, this ship could do with a cook, or at least something edible."_

"_Hey, don't complain about the food with me, go to Anna, she takes care of that stuff"_

"_Couldn't you go to her, give her a wink or something… or wear some tight pants so she gets distracted by that fine ass? It's for a good cause, Skipper."_

"_Actually she wouldn't be all that in to me or any man for that matter, but I doubt if she could resist a certain gunnery chief…Apparently a girl who knows her way with a gun immediately gets extra points" I joked back still surprised she just said fine ass._

His thoughts drifted on, but what struck Shepard was, that for the first time in a long time everything felt normal. _I mean, Kaidan's a good friend, but not a great conversation maker, more of a brother in arms. With Ash it's more than that, like everything is alright. Like I can face Saren with a smile on my face. She's special. _He then forced himself to focus and continued work on the thrusters.

* * *

><p>'According to Pressly the storms are worse than we thought; they are still going and will be for while.' Kaidan told Doctor Chakwas, whilst she was treating his headache.<p>

'Well, the Commander has been on edge for a while now, too much stress. I told him, but he didn't really seem to pay attention to it. I've seen it before, they start taking risks like this. '

The doors to the backroom of the medbay opened, and Liara entered the room.

'You don't look particularly fresh' Kaidan said to her, looking at her tired eyes.

'I fell asleep at my desk' Liara responded and she started to blush, 'I had been up for way too long, trying to figure out what exactly the beacon was telling us. I had forgotten you need sleep too. Have I missed anything?'

'Shepard is planet side along with Ash and Wrex, they jumped in the middle of a storm' Kaidan told her, waiting for the worried response that would surely follow.

'Oh dear, they dropped in? Tha doesn't seem very...wise. I hope they'll be alright.'

'If there is one thing I've really come to admire about the Commander it's his ability to survive. I wouldn't worry too much.' Chakwas voice was calm as ever.

'You're right, there is no point in worrying anyway, it's not like we can do anything about it. We'll just have to wait and see. By the way, you look like you should get some more sleep.'

'Yes, thank you, I will. It's the Prothean vision it gets into your head, something horrific must have happened, it fascinates me as much as it scares me. I must find out what happened!'

Kaidan and Chakwas looked towards each other and then towards Liara, who immediately understood what the look meant.

'I'm sorry; it's easy to get carried away. I'll leave it and get some sleep…for now'

'By the way, we are playing some Skyllian Five tonight, if you two care to join. XO Pressly approved, said the crew could use some stress relieve.' Kaidan said. 'It's just for fun, no bets or anything.'

* * *

><p>Wrex and Ashley had been exploring their surroundings for a while now, paying close attention to where they were coming from and where they were going, for otherwise they could easily get lost in the haze. they talked on and of about the quirks and strange habits of the different species, when Wrex suddenly stopped walking. Ashley looked at him quizically.<p>

'Williams…I wanna tell you something. I had friend once, name was Rashcha, he was a fierce Krogan. We dreamed of a bright future for clan Urdnot, together we could rule. He had one problem, females, couldn't stay away from them. Always chasing them, fearing that he wouldn't have offspring, but I kept him away from the other clan's fertile females. Then I was gone for while…When I returned I heard that the damn fool was last seen in a fight 'bout some female…He against three other Krogan. That must have been a glorious fight, or could have been. He managed to pop a shotgun round right into the mouth of one of 'em. Took another one of those bastards out, but that last one turned out to be too much.' A small silence fell, but Wrex resumed more angrily this time: 'Now he is dead and buried. No offspring. Hah, that's the Krogan in a nutshell, too many idiots, only speeding our extinction on its way.'

'I'm sorry for that, Wrex. But why tell me all this?'

'I've seen the looks between you and Shepard, reminds me of Rashcha.'

'Are you saying I shouldn't get close to the Commander, 'cause that's none of your damn business!'

'I'm saying that you don't need more distractions! I like you Williams you're a warrior like me. Shepard too. A warrior focuses on the battle!'

Ashley's voice softened: 'Why are you warning me now? You always act so nonchalant.'

'I don't care, not really, but I do not want this mission to fail because of it. I'm not stupid.'

'Well, I don't need your help, I can handle this myself' Ashley hesitated for a second, but she wasn't going to let this bother her right now, her voice softened again 'Let's just go check back with Shepard, see if he fixed it yet'


	3. Chapter 3

_A little shorter then originally intended, but here it is regardless. I'm still experimenting a little, this time by putting a song in (song name, band, etc. mentioned at the bottom of the page)._

_I hope you enjoy the read and as ever: Feedback would be much appreciated!_

* * *

><p><strong>Rock Bottom<strong>

With the thruster fixed, the ground team rolled out of the sand hill that had formed around the Mako. Same ground team, but the mood had changed, they were moving forward, silently. The scanner weren't picking up much. Something had been interfering with it, but the occasional clearings in the sky meant they could still pick up just enough to get a clue where the marines could supposedly be.

Shepard wasn't expecting to find much more than corpses, since the team of marines and scientists went silent quite a while ago. Which got him thinking, what if it all started in the same manner? Had he been a fool? He figured that that was likely, he shouldn't risk the team, but on the other hand, did he really have a choice? Of course he should have refused. The further he dug into his mind to try and find the answer, the more conflicted he got instead.

He shook his head and he caught a glimpse of Ashley; he looked at her, with a face that asked: _"Please, give me the answer…Tell me that we're doing the right thing!" _She didn't look back.

Fact of the matter was, Ash didn't know, her confusion lay elsewhere. It lay between them. Shepard and Williams: how could it ever work? Had she been a fool? A fool to think that she could flirt with him, no consequences? She used to think he was cute, nothing more, but now she guessed it was more.

Shepard had a hard time focussing on his tasks and before he knew it his thoughts drifted away again, it went to a song, from the time when the galaxy didn't seem to stretch beyond humanity, a time when we considered ourselves to be on top of the food chain:

"_When the darkness takes me over *****_  
><em>Face down, emptier than zero<br>Invisible you come to me  
>..quietly<br>Stay beside me  
>Whisper to me "Here I am"<br>And the loneliness fades _

_Some people think I'm somethin'  
>Well you gave me that, I know<br>But I always feel like nothing  
>When I'm in the dark alone"<em>

* * *

><p>Joker, Kaidan, Garrus, Tali and Mary sat around a table in the mess, waiting for Enya to arrive.<p>

''So who here hasn't played before?'' Kaidan asked.

''That would be me.'' Tali hadn't played before; she was new to a lot of things the world out side of the Migrant Fleet had to offer. ''Garrus already gave me a run through of the basics though'' in her voice was a hint of embarrassment, she felt like she was supposed to know all of this already, after a short silence she giggled a little ''And so did Adams.''

It went quiet again. Most of them wondered why it was all so awkward and why Joker didn't make a joke to make it even more awkward. It was Kaidan who spoke again: ''Alright, standard rules and…'' he wondered if he should say it for a moment ''…and it's alright to loosen up. It's the off night remember?'' Kaidan found it rather odd that he was the one trying to start the conversation.

''Loosen up? Right, got it.'' Joker said whilst putting a bottle of Whisky, which was sitting on his lap, on the table.

Garrus looked just a little shocked, but the expression on his face quickly turned into smile. ''Yes, that should do nicely! Eh…Permission to 'loosen up' Lieutenant?'' That was the C-Sec attitude kicking in again; it hadn't quite worn out yet.

''Please, just Kaidan and alright you have permission to loosen up…Not too much though.'' He didn't see harm in it, the crew needed a little bit of freedom, himself included. He looked at Joker and continued ''Joker, I'd rather you…didn't. We need our helmsman in good shape, just in case.''

''Oh C'mon! It's my booze! ...Medicine, I meant it's my medicine.'' He saw Kaidan shaking his head, he wasn't going to let him. Joker understood why Kaidan said that, but it still pissed him off.

''O, Hey! You all ready to get the boot, I've been practising!'' It was Enya, she had quite an attitude. Joker and her got along really well, though the reasons why might have been a little different for Enya and Joker.

Her excitement raised everyone out of the slumber a bit, but during the matches they played, every so now and then they realized what was going on at the surface. What would happen if Shepard didn't return? Would they be disbanded? What about Saren, the Geth and whatever else that might be out there?

* * *

><p>The Mako had been laying its distinctive track marks for over an hour now. The weather wasn't getting any better, but Shepard decided to just go on to try and catch a signal.<p>

They had just taken a left turn, into a canyon where Ashley had noticed a faint glimmer on the radar.

"This is looking great! Let's see rocks, sand and more sand. If it would have been real red sand…we would be richer than the whole of Ilium." Wrex sneered.

Ashley snickered, but regained posture and spoke ''I can't really see anything anymore, but that glimmer wasn't there for fun. It was just a little further.''

''It's getting really narrow, we can't go through like this much longer'' Wrex still didn't like it

Inevitably the Mako didn't fit through the tight space between the walls anymore. ''That's it that as far as the Mako can take us. We'll go through on foot.'' Shepard spoke ''Everyone set?''

''Good to go, sir!'' Ashley replied. Wrex simply nodded.

They crawled out for the second time, the sand and dust once more sweeping across their helmets and armour, erasing any trail they might have left in the sandy underground.

They went on, on foot, slowly, carefully watching the cracks in the rocky walls at the top of the canyon and checking their backs with every few steps. They slowly disappeared into the narrow canyon.

It was sudden and unexpected; they had no chance in hell to prepare for this. Everything was shaking in front of their eyes, which saw the tearing, the stone dropping from the sky. Wrex ran back to the Mako, but he could never reach it in time. Then the canyon started to collapse slowly filling up with its own stone.

Shepard stood there paralyzed for a moment. As much as he would have wanted to move he didn't, but Ashley didn't hesitate, she ran towards him and with all her might she threw herself at him. Together they dived into the sand, it all went so slow, the boulder still coming at them, Ashley desperately towed and tugged at Shepard, it had no use, he wouldn't budge. She held her breath, drowning in thoughts of life death and beyond, each one smothering another. The boulder fell with loud noise. It missed them by an inch, but the small rocks and pebbles showered them. Ashley didn't feel the pain as each and every rock dented and scratched her armour, instead she felt the relief. Shepard still did nothing.

It all went quiet for a few minutes, neither Ashley nor Shepard got up, they just lay there as if any movement would only cause more pain and as if there faiths had already been decided. Neither of them where sure if this was the safest spot to be.

Shepard's eyes weren't closed, yet all he saw was darkness. The pain in the back of his head was unbearable. He wondered if he had turned blind…pondered if he was dead and that there was an afterlife after all, eternal darkness. Suddenly a sharp whistle ran through his ears, screaming straight through his bones, and then he softly heard the sound of pebbles falling. He caught a glimpse of light, with his eyes, slowly a shape of pink and white formed before his eyes. It took him a few seconds to realise that it was in fact Ashley who had decided that they were safe and the quake had gone by, the source of light was her flashlight.

''Skipper?'' he heard faintly ''Hey! Skipper?...SHEPARD!'' Ash panicked, was he dead or dying?

''I..I'm okay'' He tried to pull himself up, but the pain shot through his right arm straight up to his neck. His arm shivered and fell back onto the ground again. Shepard smothered a gasp from the pain and continued: ''Could you help me up? Again?''

Ash couldn't help but snicker at the remark and reached her arm out once more. ''Well, that was a close one, is Wrex OK though?'' She snapped on the intercom: ''Wrex? WREX?'' Silence followed and Shepard chimed in too, but without reply.

''Should we assume…'' Ashley didn't get to finish the sentence.

''We should assume nothing right now!'' He switched a flashlight on. ''First priority is getting out of here; do you see a possible exit?''

They both looked and felt around frantically to find a structural weakness in the walls of rock surrounding them. They tried every spot at least twice, but it was no use, not one rock would budge.

Shepard suddenly gave up searching; he sat himself on the ground resting his back against one of the rock walls. His head still kept hurting and it was not until he reached his hand to the back of his helmet that he realized, there was a huge dent right at that hurtful spot. He went on to notice that there wasn't any sand blazing through the cave so he carefully and slowly he raised the helmet of his head and put it on the ground next to him.

Ashley stopped looking too, ''So, we're officially stuck now.'' She let a sigh of frustration go. Their eyes crossed for a moment and it was like a spark fused between them, their eyes lit up. They knew that they weren't about to give up.

_"You provide the soul, the spark that drives me on *****_  
><em>Makes me something more than flesh and bone<em>

_At times like these _  
><em>Any fool can see<em>  
><em>Any fool can see<em>  
><em>Your love inside me"<em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>*<strong> Parts of the lyrics of a song called ''Neverland'', created by the band ''Marillion'', featured in their album ''Marbles''._


	4. Chapter 4

**Wrong time, wrong place**

* * *

><p>A pile of rocks and rubble had filled up what once would have been called a canyon, leaving the ground team stuck.<p>

Underneath the rubble you could see a faint glimmer of red, scratched and tattered red. A piece of armour of a once mighty warrior, fallen into desperation, slowly decaying. A lifeless sight, fittingly buried in a barren place, but the faint sounds gave away there was more to it then that, something of worth underneath the layers of rock. Grufs and hums of pain and exhalation, the signs of live.

_Damn you Shepard! Damn you and your mission. __Gotta get out. Can't die, not now. I'll not be another Krogan gone to waist. I'll tear this rock apart, like how I spilled the guts and blood of a Maw, DAMNIT!_

There followed violent movement from under the rocks, and the ground above him trembled. The tension increased and some rocks struggled to hold grip, till suddenly they sprang loose, flying up, until they fell upon the sandy surface. The glimmer of red became clearer, as the ground rose. It was a moment of joy, followed by another collapse. The ground fell back upon the hurting shoulders of the Krogan, as his muscles relaxed again and he gasped for air, a heavy coughing followed. A red drop ran slaloming over the scarred skin as it made its way onto the rough texture of the rocks, colouring the sand upon it. With each cough more blood got lost.

Wrex's body slowly relaxed from the violent shivering and his in- and exhalations regained a steady rate. He growled and let the remaining tension go, still feeling just how fractured his body was.

* * *

><p>There were a few meters of space at most between the walls of rock that ceiled off the small cave. Two flashlights shining in its darkness.<p>

Ashley had been irritated by the way her hair sat under her helmet for a while now, so she decided to follow Shepards lead and remove her helmet, "So…Let's check the options we have here." Her fingertips moved to her neck and pressed on the clips that attached the helmet to the suit, with a snapping sound it lifted up an inch.

"Options? You even see any options?" Even though he was determent to get out Shepard couldn't help but let his pessimism sound through.

"Well…" Ashley carefully placed her helmet on the ground, "we could try and blow our way out."

"And cause another quake because of the explosion? No thanks. Besides do you see the space we have? There wouldn't be anywhere to hide."

"Or we could try removing some of the stones on the ground beneath us, worth a shot." Ashley did a rare thing, she let the bun loosen and shook her hair, which gracefully fell down.

Shepard wanted to answer, but his eyes had another plan, following the patterns of the elegantly flowing hair with her every movement. He closed his eyes, squeezed even, and put his mind back in line. "Are you really suggesting that we should dig our way out? We don't have the equipment for that, now do we?"

"What, don't you have the gifts of hands?" She lifted a brow and sneered "Alright then, what do you suggest, mister smartass?"

"I suggest waiting it out for a bit. The storm shouldn't be going on for all that much longer, until then we'll just have to have a little patience."

"Patience huh?" She let another sigh go. "I guess you're right, we shouldn't do anything hastily." She slid onto the ground, sitting opposite of Shepard.

The looked at each other and smiled. "I suppose waiting wouldn't make things worse. Some time to get our cool back...If it doesn't turn into an awkward 'who can stare at the ground and say nothing for the longest period of time' competition."

"Yeah, talking is probably preferable and as you know, I'm great at small talk" The hint of sarcasm was easily detectable, but Ashley didn't think he was bad at small talk, rather that he was putting himself down.

* * *

><p>"Hah! I believe those creds are mine, right Joker?" Enya looked at him challengingly.<p>

"Yeah, yeah, that greedy look really scares me. This game hasn't ended yet, enjoy while that cred pile lasts"

"Pff, did I step on your toes Mr. Jealous?"

"No, Just my wallet."

"Funny, I thought that bottle was a little less…empty just a moment ago." Garrus picked it up and stared at the last inch or so of fluid left, waving and splashing up and down, from one side of the bottle to the other.

"Hey, I planned to pay a debt with that!" Joker seemed genuinely bothered.

"Oops" Enya sniggered and she crashed her head, heavy from the scotch, onto the table a little too hard. "Oops, again." She laughed out loud. The rest looked at her with a mixture of disapproval and enjoyment. "What? Don't look at me like that!"

Joker was visibly annoyed by her mischievous behaviour, but at the same time it was exactly what attracted him to her. Enya was a trouble maker and a joker, sometimes cynical, but she somehow managed to pull it off in a cheerful way. Rather like Joker in that respect. She was also blunt, which attracted her to Ashley and vice versa. They'd been at boot camp together, until Enya got kicked out that was. They knew how to have fun, joking around or verbally bashing politicians.

Footsteps could be heard from across the room, it was Liara. She'd clearly not slept as much as she promised Kaidan earlier that day.

Kaidan saw how she was still lost in her thoughts. He decided to ask her what was wrong. He'd been quiet because another one of his infamous headaches started to play up, but he didn't want to ruin the fun.

"What's up, Liara, something you want to share?"

"Bad news from the upperdeck, I'm afraid. Something shook up the place, planet side I mean. It wasn't far away from Shepard's last known position. I hope he's okay, Pressly told me it was unlikely they got hit and that the shock only barely got picked up by the scanners, so even with all the disturbance it can't have been big."

"Let us not forget Wrex and Ashley, they were there to you know." Joker said, noticing Liara's slight obsession with Shepard.

Enya spoke up: "They'll be fine, they are all tough guys! Although, that poor kid's head over heels if you ask me, with all that 'Skipper' stuff. She always was a bit soppy from the inside." She looked in a caring, but concerned way, something she didn't often do.

"Now this is a little incredible, Enya. Wrex would never act like that, totally out of character." Joker replied, with a grin of satisfaction on his face.

"Why did you bring that up, Enya?" Kaidan was curious, he had seen the signs between Shepard and Ashley, but Enya got closest to Ash, after Shepard of course. Still, he wanted to avoid talking behind her back; he hated it when people did that kind of thing.

"Shh, shhh! Let her finish" Joker on the other hand was eager to hear every little detail.

"You sound like a girl, Jokes! Not that I care, it's rather sweet really." She hesitated for a second. "That was all I know really, all that she told me." It was obvious she wasn't telling the whole story.

"Whatever happened, we can't do a thing about it, let's just put it out of our minds for now and get back to the cards? I think I'm finally getting the hang of it." Tali didn't enjoy gossiping either, nor worrying about the things that could have happened to the ground team.

"Good plan, we have faced grimmer situations and I don't want to waste this fine looking hand." Kaidan agreed with her.

"I call bluff; either that or you're cheating."

"That's sounds an awful lot more like you than me, Joker. Projecting yourself again?"

* * *

><p>Every fibre in his body seemed to shout KROGAN, as a huge rawr that could have been heard from a mile away, if it weren't for the winds, emerged from under the ground, so did the body. Wrex barely managed to put a foot on the land. The rocks on which his boot was standing, teared apart and fell into the hole the Krogan had lain in just a moment ago. He fell back, but his fingers found grip on the ground again and he slowly crawled up.<p>

Suddenly, the shotgun slid from his back, before wildly getting grabbed. A swift movement of the arm moved it to the front of his body. Wrex didn't aim; he just shot a pallet into the first rock he saw, smashing it into rubble. A blind rage that showed just how dangerous a Krogan can be when he's mad.

The heavy breathing gave away his exhaustion. It felt good to Wrex though, that shot, he needed it. He pictured it would have been a living creature. It would have been like that Maw, a final shot with the shotgun covering him in red, a crowd forming around him cheering. One Krogan taking on a Thresher Maw all by himself. Instead he stood in a desolate place, all he had killed was a rock and the blood on his face was his own.

* * *

><p>After a solid half an hour the talk between Shepard and Ashley had died down and they had turned into themselves, collecting there thoughts, reorganizing the mess in their heads. All that time the tension between them had been growing, it always did in the moments they were alone.<p>

There was a glister in Shepard's eyes, water, the formation of a tear. The weird thing was he didn't know why. Always he knew why he thought and felt what was going through him, but he couldn't now. He didn't understand. He clenched his jaws tight onto each other; Ashley saw the motion of pure frustration. He felt like a kid that lost his parents in a labyrinth, scared and mad that he and his parents didn't watch where he was going, but he couldn't blame it on his parents or anyone else but himself now.

"Shepard? Something on your mind?" Ashley looked concerned. There were no doubts whether to ask him about his problems anymore, she'd given in to her feelings. Tearing another wall between them down.

"Not my mind…It doesn't understand. It's a feeling, for which I can find to numerous a reason, but no real solid explanation" Shepard spoke like he thought, whilst staring at the ground.

"This…this doesn't sound like you Skipper."

"It does, this is how I sound from within, Ash. Appearance is a big thing in the military, surely you should know that." His eyes still focused on the ground beneath him.

"Do you mean, that all those conversations we had we-were just niceties, appearance, me telling real things to a fake person? That…I…I don't know how to feel about that."

Shepard looked up and stared into her dark brown eyes, so full of colours. He had a frowned expression on his face, which made him look at least ten years older. He spoke softly: "No Ash. You're jumping to conclusions here."

"Sorry, I do, do that sometimes. It's just that...well you tell me what's what then."

"I'm always me, especially in our private chats, but I'm not me-me, I must keep confident from the outside, even when I'm collapsing from within."

"You mean, hiding your feelings, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't do a very good job of that." She quickly shifted her eyes focus to the dark wall behind him. She checked. She really just said that, but she didn't want to believe that she just smashed the last wall that stood between them into pieces. She looked back at Shepard; she looked him straight in the eyes. She couldn't undo what she just said and even if she could, she'd just make the same mistake over again. Her heart ran like crazy, the beat thumping in her throat, when she swallowed it was more noticeably then normal. _Give me an answer, Shepard, just say something, put us back in line or just derail us._

He just looked back. No reply, not a word, not even a sound. He looked at her face, from her eyes to her full lips. He followed the curves of her body; adrenaline was spreading through him like an unstoppable tidal wave. From bottom he went back to top and held her eyes with his stare.

"I'm not giving up, on anything, Ash." His knees bent, slowly he stood up. "I'm not giving up on this mission, not on Wrex, not on the rest of the crew, not even on Saren and..." the sweat stood in his hand, pictures raced through his head, he trembled at thought of her touch, her hand sliding over his body, his hand over hers. "...Not on you." She didn't ask for these words, but he needed to tell her.

Shepard stretched his hand. Ashley did not know what was happening, barely heard what he said. The game was over, no more hide and seek. No more peeking around corners. She grabbed his hand and pulled herself towards him.

They stood face to face. She looked at his, stared back into his eyes again, penetrated his thoughts. She moved in on him slowly. A touch, his hand to the back of her head. He ran it through her hair and slowly felt it sliver and slide through his fingers. He looked at her lips and felt them, touched them with his, pressing them together. They closed their eyes. Their thoughts danced away. They saw no problems, but they sought love, tenderness and reassurance. They saw a place to find it, they saw each other. No more problems, no more fooling, just a golden dream.

Her hand slid over his back, carefully following the contours, not loosing touch. They parted, looked back at each other. She smiled, but his eyes still glistered. He grabbed her hands.

"We can't, can we." He whispered.

"We can, Skipper, but we shouldn't." she faced the ground.

Her hands let go of his, but suddenly grabbed onto his back, still ecstatic. They hugged. She whispered in his ear: "But we can hold on, until we should."


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: So this story update again took a little longer, mostly due to a lack of inspiration and since I have a lot of stuff to do (school related) I'm not sure when the next chapter's going to be out. I'm hoping the wait won't be longer than a month (we'll see I guess). I do have inspiration on how to continue the story and I think it'll get more interesting by the end of this, and in the next couple of chapters. As always: hope you enjoy the read and feedback would be much appreciated!_

* * *

><p><strong>Do you feel a change coming on? *<strong>

One moment of passion, a few minutes at most. An hour had already passed since then, the ecstatic feeling had subsided. They had seated themselves on the ground, but now they sat next to each other as to avoid the awkward stares that would otherwise surely follow. They had held hands for a while, again only a few minutes, they tried to fool themselves that they did that as not to loose courage, that was a thin excuse at best and they knew it. The tension that now existed between them was unavoidable, it was as much an inviting opening into each others lives as an enormous wall, bigger then every wall they had thrown up before.

"_We shouldn't, we shouldn't, we shouldn't". _Those were the words that kept racing through Shepard's mind. He kept repeating them in the hopes to one day believe them. It wasn't a matter of will they get together again, but one of when will they. How long could they tell themselves_ "we shouldn't" _before the words would loose all meaning?

There had been a long silence, just the way Shepard liked it right now, time to think. His thoughts eventually went on from Ashley to how to continue his mission, his real mission. But Ashley had done enough thinking, the walls started closing in on her again. She needed to get out, out right now. "We need a plan Skipper, a way to get out."

"I told you the plan, wait until the storm subsides and then call the Normandy, they'll find a way to get us out of here."

"That could be hours, days even. If we've learned one thing, it's that this planet is unpredictable."

And that it certainly was, unexpected storms, sudden earthquakes and the trigger of passionate embraces, he thought. "Right, unexpected also means it could be over in minutes."

"You keep telling yourself that, don't you? and apparently that's a sufficient thought for you, but not for me. I need to get out! I'm getting claustrophobic, Wrex is in danger and you are setting there like it's your day off. Get off your lazy ass!" She gave him a push, he almost fell, but firmly planted his hand on the ground to avoid that.

"I'm still your superior officer, regardless of what happened just then Chief!" He sounded cold, exactly what he was trying to avoid, "Don't be mad with me because of that, whatever you want to call what happened, Ash." He lowered his voice and whispered: "I too fear the change coming on" *****

Ashley's lips formed a brief smile: "That's…A strange way to put it, thinking aloud again?"

"It's from a song, a song this reminded me of."

"You like songs don't you? I remember that just after I got assigned to the Normandy, you quoted a song too."

"I do that more often then you think, only in my head. What poetry is to you, lyrics are to me."

"Yeah, I guess you're right though, I do fear the change coming on."

Shepard had the strong feeling that song was going to stick in his head for quite a while, bits of it were already going through his head in a loop:

_Do you feel a change coming on,_

_Rolling out of the blue like a storm, _

_And it's throwing your dollhouse world in disarray _

_So you can rebuild or conform _*****

Ashley saw those walls again, those dreaded walls around her, suddenly they affected her even more, she could barely breath, started sweating. She wished to god she knew why, probably claustrophobia. "I'm serious Skipper, I need to get out. Then I can think clearly, back on the Normandy we can sort it all out, right?"

"Alright we'll go over our options again; maybe I am being a lazy ass." He didn't think he was being a lazy ass.

* * *

><p>Wrex had planned on going back to the Mako but he had made a sudden U-turn, he couldn't just leave without finding out what happened to the others. With every step he made, he got closer to Shepard and Ashley. Occasionally he shouted from the top of his longs "SHEPARD!" or "CHIEF!".<p>

He was heavily bruised, perhaps a few broken bones, but he was a Krogan so he would pretend nothing was wrong, he kept thinking: _That's what Krogans do, pretending, they pretend that they're more worthy than others, pretend they're strong even when they are reduced to rubble, pretend they're not ignorant. But I'll show them, I'll show the Krogan we don't have to keep pretending, that we aren't ignorant, that we can rebuild, we can show the galaxy we aren't stumbling idiots that blind themselves as soon as they are born. I must be proof of that, that's my goal, that must be my goal, if I have one._

Whilst he was walking along he hadn't noticed the storm was quieting down, he didn't notice he could slowly see more of the barren scenery and less of the sand blowing across his helmet, until he realised why he was walking here. He called again.

* * *

><p>It was the slightest sounds, but a sound nonetheless. The first shout Ashley couldn't make out, but she'd be damned if the following one didn't form the word chief. She put her hands against the wall and pulled her face close to it, her flashlight lighting nothing but a small spot of a few inches wide on the wall. Her lungs rapidly filled with air, her entire body moved along as she shouted back: "WREX!". She turned her head sideways, her ear half an inch away from the rock wall. Listening, her heart beating, wildly, erratic. Her fingers almost tried to dig into the rock they rested on. Still no answer.<p>

_C'mon Wrex! It was you, I heard it. It had to be, damn, maybe he didn't hear. Or maybe I just thought he said something. Oh no, God I don't hope a start imagening things._

She filled her lungs again: "WREX!"

"Relax Ash, give the guy some time to respond."

"So you did hear him?"

"I'm not sure, let's hope we did." Shepard was checking the rocks that formed the floor of the cave-in, he tried to lift the ones that seemed loose enough, there was one that would move, but there was just another layer of solid rock underneath it. He really tried, just to put Ashley at rest, not because he genuinely thought that it was an actual way out.

He then noticed the desperate look on her face and decided still he wasn't being helpful enough, with his nonchalant attitude, "WREX! OVER HERE!" He shouted, "better?"

"What do you mean?"

"You looked like you were gonna call me an ass again."

"That was an overreaction Shepard, you kno-" It was faint, but enough for Ashley not to finish the sentence. This time she was sure: Wrex shouted back, he had found them.

"WREX! WE'RE BOTH INHERE, STUCK!"

"CHIEF? DON'T WORRY, I"LL GET YOU OUT!"

"Hang on, what's he doing? Ash what did he say?"

"I'm not sure...He said he'll get us out"

"Shit! WREX, NO EXPLOSIVES!" Shepard eyes flew wide open, as wide as could be, his pupils enlarged.

"No answer?"

"Get back, Chief!" Shepard pounced on her throwing her on the ground, Shepard on top of her. Realizing he still hadn't put his helmet on, he covered his head with his hands.

Shepard's judgement had been correct, it sounded like the wall burst open, but instead of the gaping hole he expected, there was only a small hole in it.

They saw Wrex peeking through it, Ashley had never been this glad to see a Krogan's face. "Always have a small explosive 'nade with me. Heh, the other Krogan always call me crazy for carrying it with me, look who's crazy now."

"Thank god, I feared worse" Shepard sounded out of breath and his heart was still beating in his throat, he had considered he was a goner. He stood up and offered Ashley his hand as to help her up. "Guess we're even now, Ash" He walked back to grab his helmet.

"Let's see now, you tripped on the way out of the Mako ánd stood still under a shower- of rocks. I got saved from a small explosive discharge. Nope; you're still one behind Skip!" She gave him a cheerful pat on the shoulder. Ashley quickly put her hair back in a bun and also put her helmet on. She continued to follow Shepard, crawling and squeezing through the small space that led to freedom, all the tension and panic had left her.

Once they were out of the cave Wrex spoke again: "Now let's get the hell of this damn planet, we should be able to contact Joker any minute."

"I like your thinking, Wrex." Shepard spoke, "First things first, you don't look so good"

"I'm holding up, don't worry about it Shepard. That's a concern for later."

"You better stay here, try and get in contact with the Normandy, I'm not taking anymore risks. Ash, I want you to get the Mako and drive it onto that plateau-looking-thing there, meanwhile I'll have a last look for some sign of the missing team, in this area."

"Aye aye, Cap'n." Ashley was surprised by his sudden decisiveness and glad, to her it meant they were getting of this rock.

Moving along the outskirts of the former canyon, he still tried to find some sign of the team, whilst waiting for the Normandy to pick them up. Shepard did regular checks with his omni-tool trying to pick up some sign of life, or metal. Evidence of the team that they were supposed to find. Not much of a chance, but if there was anything left of them, it would be here, that's what the Mako's sensor system had told them.

Suddenly the omni-tool picked up something, metal. Shepard sprinted towards the source of the detection. Soon enough there it was, evidence, hidden under layers of dust lay a data pad, in surprisingly good condition at that, it wasn't cracked, not even a scratch. Shepard wiped the dust of it with care and switched it on. All he saw was a journal, a long one. Quickly as he skimmed through it, he saw it was from one of the guys he was looking for. He clutched it in his hand and ran back to the Mako, since he saw a tiny speck in the distance: the Normandy was incoming. He did a last check, but his omni-tool didn't pick up anything else other the sand and rocks. If Hackett wanted to find the bodies, he would now know where to look. Shepard wanted to get moving, more determined to find Saren then before. This mission might have done something good after all, but he felt like it didn't weigh up against the complications it had brought along. The complications between him and Ash.

* * *

><p>It was a quick call, a call for pick-up that's it, they didn't even know if the mission had been successful. Joker was in position as soon as he could. Kaidan and Enya had helped him up and into his seat. Her fingers nervously tapped on her thigh.<p>

"Ok I can, even if barely, walk! Jeez, you treat me like I'm a four year old!" Joker grumbled whilst settling into his seat.

"We know, but you wouldn't have been here as quick if we didn't, now would you." Kaidan replied.

"I just know, you have a smart-ass smile on your face right now." He still looked to see if he was right, "Yep, I was right!"

"20 points!" Enya said, with a small smile, which quickly died down again, her fingers still drumming some kind of rhythm.

"Are we good to go?" Kaidan asked, Joker nodded. "Good, take us in there Joker, I'll go report to Pressly."

* * *

><p>Ashley drove the Mako, towards the Normandy's landing zone, a flat, outstretched plain just a bit ahead, after picking up Wrex and Shepard.<p>

Whilst he was trying to find a comfortable position to sit in , Shepard picked up the data pad again and started reading. Oddly enough he didn't start at the very first entry, but instead at the first entry entitled 3rd encampment, hoping to find the important information there.

_3rd encampment, Day-1, 9.07 Hours_

_I've been hearing the muffled sounds of boots for hours; now that we finally set up camp I still hear the sounds in my head. It's unsettling, like something is constantly on my heels, haunting me._

_We've found a spot that seems a likely place for the prototype to have gone missing and been buried._

_To think that somewhere beneath us something so meaningful must lie that Alliance wants it back with such haste, that makes you feel appreciated when you're assigned to the mission._

_Dr. Tara has good hope that this is the place, she said._

_3rd encampment, Day-3, 6.32 Hours_

_A sandstorm has suddenly hit us, hard. Two members from the science team are injured. The building in which they had been, got torn apart by the wind. Trying to find out how the thing could have collapsed, it doesn't make any sense. Luckily no-one was to badly injured, every one's a little on edge though._

_13.03 Hours_

_Dr. Tara is clearly disappointed. Can't blame her, she'd hoped to make good progress today; instead we're all just waiting for this darn storm to go over. All the equipment has been disrupted by it, so we can get no bearings on how long we're going to have to sit tight. _

_3rd encampment, Day-4, 5.14 Hours_

_I don't know what to god's going on, but it's bad. I don't know what to write, why I write this. It could be a goodbye. Shit, that's what going on, shit shit shit. I don't think it's another storm, something else, perhaps a traitor among us. I don't know, all I know: Got orders to go, like now. If anyone reads this, tell my family of my love for them. Maybe I'm overreacting, but regardless, if I'm gone then tell my wife: Katy, tell the children: Jona and Enya and tell my family, friends. No chance for me to. _

_Like my Dad used to say: "In words lies all that we truly know about another, so if I say thanks, you better believe it." _

_Love you all, Dave_

Shepard didn't believe what he had just read, his eyes traced back, back to that name. Enya. It must have been a coincidence, granted not a lot of people are named Enya, but surely there must be more then one. He started browsing through older entries, trying to find a surname.

* * *

><p><strong>*<strong>_Part of the lyrics from a song called: "Change", from the album "Twilight Theater", by the band "Poets of the Fall"_


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's note: It's been a while (a month or so) since the last update and I expect that'll be the 'schedule' for the foreseeable future. As for the story: I'm introducing and/or giving some new characters a bigger part in the story, since it seems like an interesting challenge to write characters from scratch, something I haven't really done before, the original squad will still be featured though. The chapters seem to get longer just about everytime, not sure of that'll be a continuing trend, but I don't write them to be a certain length. Anyway reviews and feedback are much appreciated and I hope you'll enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong>Swaying thoughts<strong>

The pick up went swift and clean, just the way Shepard liked it, but he fully realised it was the only thing that went swift and clean on that particular mission. Some things needed to change, or he'd get people killed and that was the last thing he wanted. People dying because of his misjudgement, his impatience, idiocy or whatever you choose to call it, it'd be something he couldn't live with. He wondered if he simply hated the responsibility he had to carry, but it was a necessary evil, without it he'd get truly careless and reckless, so he decided it would be a burden carried quietly, without as much as a whisper of complaint.

The Krogan, the Spectre and the Chief squeezed their way out of the Mako once more and they gladly realised that'd be the last time in a while.

Ashley, who had looked forward to some action again, already had enough of it, she looked forward to some mindless fiddling with guns and bleedin' hot showers to relax, to set her confused mind straight again.

Wrex hadn't looked forward to the mission to begin with, so he wasn't disappointed, in fact in some ways this had been more exciting then the last few years in his life. He felt like he'd found a goal again, maybe he had a purpose; he tried to cling on to that thought with all of his might. His relative cheerfulness was dampened by the pain the broken ribs caused.

"Wrex, I want you to go to medical, let Doctor Chakwas do a check-up." Shepard still spoke decisively, he'd pulled himself together, or so it seemed. That's what a Commander was supposed to do, a leader couldn't contemplate every singly thing he said or wanted to say. He walked to the elevator, saluting someone whose name managed to slip his mind, all he knew was that it was a new recruit. "Ashley, you can take some free time for now, have some rest, you need it."

"Yes mom! Oh, I mean, sir, sorry you two sound so similar sometimes." Ashley pressed the button and the steel door rolled upwards till their bodies and faces were completely out of sight. As the elevator started moving Ashley spoke: "Shouldn't you debrief us and get the rest of the crew up to speed on what happened?" That was the thing he usually did.

"No Williams, not this time, a lot of things that are out of the usual happened. I feel like I need to think it over first. I'll call for a meeting later."

"Gotcha, Sir." They spoke in military terms again; it almost felt unusual and odd to do so. The lift stopped and the door slid open again.

Shepard walked towards the stairs in a quick pace and then halted because a voice spoke to him, Garrus to be more precise. "Shepard! The crew was getting worried about you three."

"I bet they were and they weren't alone in that."

"Should I get prepped for a debriefing?"

"Later."

"Alright Commander."

Shepard walked on again, up the stairs, through another door, the guard to his left saluted Shepard barely noticed anymore. Shepard looked around until he caught a glimpse of Pressly, Kaidan tapped him on the shoulder and made him aware of Shepard's presence. He rushed towards the fatigued Commander. "Commander! Well that was a hell of a mess! Thank god you're all alright."

"Yeah, you can say that, but we've found some evidence, so it hasn't been an entire waste of time."

Kaidan joined the conversation: "Good to hear Commander, is there a debriefi-"

"Later, damnit! … Sorry, I'm a little tired, on edge."

"I understand Commander." Kaidan looked worried.

"Pressly you're not relieved of duty just yet, I'm going to withdraw for a bit. I need to put everything that's on my mind back in row."

"Very well, Sir."

* * *

><p>Ashley had quickly changed into her off duty outfit. Feeling the weight of the armour being taken of her shoulders was a big relief. She had planned to shower right after that, but whilst removing the armour she'd noticed that one of her guns had been damaged from her experience on the world currently far beneath her. So she stood at her trusty workbench stripping down the gun, when someone interrupted her.<p>

"Ash?"

"Hm?" Ashley was still focusing on the gun.

"There's" She paused, her heart beat raised slightly, how to start a conversation you'd never want to have, ever? "Something on my mind."

"Oh it's you, Enya? So what's it that's on your mind exactly? No wait, let's see…a skull right?"

"Yeah, normally that'd probably be funny…but-"

"Uh-oh, do I hear trouble in your voice? What's wrong En?"

Enya's fingers started moving again, avidly drumming a rhythm in the air. "There are things I haven't told anyone around here, not even you." The hand that wasn't swiping through the air as if it was hitting solid ground, started scratching her thigh with an extraordinary dedication, yet she didn't feel an itch. "My family, they're spacers right?"

"Right. I knew that, C'mon what's the trouble, you know I hate these games."

Enya didn't like it when she didn't get the room to tell something at her pace, not even by the one she trusted most, she raised her voice in an attempt to make a point. "It isn't a game! If what I were to say would be easy I would've said it, alright!"

"Hey, if I were you I'd loose that attitude, unless you don't want my listening ear!"

She was only making it worse, she shouldn't have started raising her voice, that doesn't work with Ash, she took a deep breath, her hands stopped moving in the nervous and erratic motion for a second, until she let all the air that filled her lungs go again. Her voice softened: "Yeah, I'm- there's more to it."

"Alright, you're upset, so…" realising she still talked in a loud manner, Ashley's voice followed suite and softened too, "alright go ahead, continue."

"My mum basically lives on Arcturus station these days, my dad…well he travels with archaeologists these days, thing is he…" She was lost for words, every attempt at breathing choked her up. "He had a new assignment a few weeks ago, to help find something, I think they weren't on an archaeological mission, but they did need to dig up something."

"So what's going on, he isn't in trouble is he?" Ashley worried about her, the last time she'd seen Enya behave this out of tune was when she lost her pet "Mr. Rogers"

"He's, he's-" She couldn't, her voice completely shutdown, it wouldn't produce another sound. A tear rolled across her cheek, shimmering in the sombrely lit room. She pulled herself together, knew what to say, she shut herself off from feeling, just tot try and bring the words to her lips: "Where you just were." Ash knew she meant the damn rock she'd just gotten away from, he must've been part of the team they were looking for.

* * *

><p>Ashley walked towards Shepard's quarters, Enya trailing just behind. "Ash, I don't know if I'm ready, I-"<p>

"Trust me, he'll understand, you know he will. You've done nothing wrong." Ashley pressed the button, the door slid open sideways. Ashley walked in and saw the commander sitting at his desk. "Commander?"

Shepard raised his hand as a gesture signaling her to wait, she looked at the screen he was looking at, she could make out the shape of a person on the screen.

"Shepard, this is going to get out of hand, we need to bring a solution to the table. We can't have you endangering your crew." She recognised the voice, it was Anderson.

Shepard was quiet for a bit, he sat there, his hands supporting his chin out of which had grown the scruffy beginnings of a beard. Eventually he'd seemed to come to a solution and spoke. "If Hackett doesn't want to comply, I'll have to make the hard choice, choose the uneasy road. I can't, not under any circumstance compromise the mission. You of all people know that."

"I do Shepard, I do, but things lie more complicated then that. I can shout anything I want, but without authority what's the point? Look, we'll need a good talk, come to citadel. I understand you still have the time now."

Shepard sighed "Is that necessary, I don't see how it'll be a benefit to-"

"It's an order Commander, from your old Alliance Captain."

"Alright, maybe I can get some supplies onboard as well then, whilst we're there anyway."

"Good, that's settled. I've got to go Shepard. Talk to you later."

"I've got some clandestine guests here as well, see you at the citadel then, Shepard out." The screen shut down then flashed on again in its trusty blue colour.

Ashley kept at a distance, giving Enya a subtle hint to move forward. Enya looked troubled and Shepard immediately understood where this would be going, he was surprised that she already knew, the poor girl must have been a nervous wreck from the inside.

"Commander?" She spoke with a tiny voice, her hands were shaking, still subtly drumming a song that played in her head, as if she was trying to drown the harsh thoughts flying through her head in all absorbing music.

"Enya, I think I-" he cut the sentence short, he didn't know what he was going to say yet, but he didn't like to put someone through wording such a horrifying experience.

"No-no, I have to tell something, personal." The beat playing in her head started to shiver through her body.

Now Shepard cut her short, "Enya, I know what you're trying to say."

He wasn't going to listen to her? Why couldn't he just shut up and let her talk? "Commander! It's hard enough for me to say this." It was rush hour in her head, but all the stop signs were ignored, total chaos. Her fingers upped tempo, to match the beat, that she oh so clearly felt pulsing in her head.

"God, I don't want to make this more difficult, quite the opposite." He fell silent, compiled his thoughts for a moment and regained track. "I found a…datapad down there."

"A datapad?" It threw her of balance, "I-I, what?", She was utterly confused, not only by what he tried to say, but also by the weird sensation of feeling her pulsating, she'd never experienced anything like that before. _No more impressions, just go numb, no more confusion._ This thought she held onto, it overshadowed everything she was experiencing.

"It's _his_ datapad."

She was quiet for a while, she slowly realised he must have known about it already, but she couldn't believe he'd find his datapad. "Could I have it?"

He grabbed the pad and stretched it out towards her "I'll need it back" her hand reached out, it looked like it was shaking slightly to Shepard, or maybe it was his imagination. He looked at her face as she pulled the datapad towards her, it told him very little, it seemed more barren and empty of expression then he'd ever seen before. "I'm sorry for your loss; we're all sorry for it. We haven't found him, but…there's very little hope we'll ever find him, or that he survived. Take your time to recover, don't worry, I trust this crew to treat you with the proper respect and dignity."

She whispered "Thanks." And slowly walked away out of the door.

* * *

><p>They were alone again, just the two of them back in the cave, though this time there already was an exit, an escape, or rather the illusion of escape since they both knew they were on a ship, with seemingly endless stretches of space surrounding them.<p>

"Poor girl…I've never seen her quite like that." Ashley looked concerned, saddened.

"It's never easy to lose someone." Shepard looked down, there was something awkward between him and Ash. "Never easy" he emphasized, they felt that the conversation was moving to a different subject.

Ashley's hand slid over Shepard's desk, it wasn't to feel the texture, it was rough and cold even the eye could notice that, nor did she do it as to stir up sensual, or sexual, feelings by striking a daring pose. It was an attempt to buy some time, to avoid an awkward stare that could lead them to god knows where. She tried to think, to find what she could say, carefully balancing each word. She thought to herself: _We'll have to move on from the awkward position we're in, no that doesn't sound right, we'll have to move forward perhaps? Better. _She laughed from the inside _Eh, I don't even know what that'd means. God I sound like a politician! _She glanced at Shepard, to pressure him, maybe he'd make a move, but he didn't, _Why does it have to come down to me to make the first move, it wasn't me who decided to confess my love in a cave, was it? You could at least help me out here, why is it that whenever things get difficult you back off and hide in your own little world! Ok, maybe I'll just go with it then, whatever I'll say, if you won't even give me a sign of understanding. _She sighed from the inside _Damn! Why do we make this so hard?_

"What change will be coming on, you think?" She realized she just asked him the same question she had tried to answer just then, but no matter, it was a start.

"Resistance."

"I'm not sure if I follow you."

"Delaying, holding off for as long as possible, resisting the big temptation. Waiting makes the meeting all the more exiting, doesn't it?"

Ashley was glad, an answer she could make sense of, one she felt comfortable with. She straightened her back, adjusted her jacket and finally spoke "Right. You figured now was the time to throw in one of your classic cheese riddled lines?", There was a small, playful smile on her lips when she said that, she couldn't help but find him adorable whenever he spoke like that, "But I hear you, discipline, keeping ourselves in line. Like that the feelings might even go away."

He laughed, Ashley didn't expect that, her mood changed from the light hearted understanding to a feeling of being the subject of mockery and she felt like sneering back at him, but she withheld from it, instead she gave him a cold glare.

Shepard noticed, but didn't pay much attention to it, a heat of the moment reaction, that belonged to Ash. "You don't really believe that, do you?" he said.

"If denying it is the only way of suppressing it until our mission is done, then why not?"

"Maybe I was wrong; this doesn't sound right at all."

"What's wrong with it? That's kind of what fraternization rules tell us to do anyway."

"We already crossed those rules Ash, I don't want you to put your emotions beside you, I hate seeing numb soldiers, always so…lifeless, like they're worth no more then Mechs. Your emotions and … Feelings are part of what make you so darn likeable, they make you, you." Shepard had thought this through long before, years ago infact. He wondered why it was that these things always sounded so eloquently put in his head, but if he had to say it, it sounded awkward and unclear. He scratched his head trying to find a better way to put it when he looked at Ash. He started to study her again. He looked at her eyes and her lips carefully. She frowned and her mouth stood open ever so slightly, it seemed as if she was expressing confusion, like she was about to give up on him. That was when she spoke again.

"I don't understand what you want, you want me to hold off one moment and the next it's like you're trying to get me in your arms. Give me something to work with here Shepard."

"I want you to be you, Gunnery Chief Ashley Madeleine Williams, Sass, blunt, wit and secretly-liker-of-sensitive-stuff."

"Alright, so we're going wherever we'll go then, look, I don't want you to get the wrong thoughts about me, I'm strong and independent. It's not like I'll collapse without you."

"Exactly, it's not about getting you in my arms, or getting me in yours, it's about being who you are, I need you at your strongest, Ash."

Suddenly a chirping sounds went off, Shepard traced the sound to the blue screen. 'I guess that's a call I gotta take. Are we good for now?"

"We'll see, Shepard, we'll wrestle our way through somehow."

"Hey that reminds me, we were still gonna have a wrestling match!" He grinned.

"Oh…Don't tempt me, hellcats give nasty scratches."

"Good, 'cause Shepards have nasty itches."

Ashley walked by him, slapping the back of his head with her hand, "Don't you start!"

Shepard laughed, "Sorry." Deep down he was crying that he couldn't resist making that stupid remark. He heard the door close. Ashley was out of the cave again, so he answered the call. Truth be told he had no idea who wanted to speak with him.

* * *

><p>"Commander…Shepard" A Turian stood there in what looked like a citadel apartment, observing him, confidence was what Shepard heard in his raspy voice.<p>

"That's me, but who are you?" Shepard frowned, a stranger got hold of his personal transmission channel.

"Eh-heh Vaern, Commander, Vaern."

"Commander Vaern?" Shepard could hit himself on the head for all the stupid jokes he was making, but he couldn't help always started joking when things were becoming more than he could handle.

"Very droll, you can call me a detective if you like."

"So why did you go through all this trouble? I should warn you, I'm running on a tight schedule as it is, too tight for my liking even, so if you want to enlist my help with some kind of mission-"

"-then you're going to refuse. That's the standard line you give everyone who wants something from you, I'd assume. Don't worry, whilst I do request some of your time, my proposition is more relevant then any you've had before."

"Really…Alright you're a confident guy, aren't you, I'll give you one shot, convince me." Shepard intentionally tried to sound intimidating.

"You can drop the act Commander, it's not at all convincing to someone like me, you're clearly interested in my proposition. I can help you commander, help you to find answer about what happened."

"About what happened? What exactly do you mean by that?"

"Oh I don't know, an embarrassing Alliance screw-up involving a certain prototype perhaps?"

"How- Why do you know about that?" Shepard got nervous, this wasn't an ordinary call, this guy was dangerous. He always considered people with information the ones who had the most power over you.

"Heh-he, neither the Alliance's actions nor yours are quite as secretive as you might like to think."

"This happened only hours ago! Again, how do you know this, I don't like it when people mess with me Vaern!"

"Oh, don't take on so, I'm here to help remember? Come to the citadel and I'll gladly answer your questions."

"I'll…" Shepard was stunned with words, he didn't know what to say anymore, how did the guy know?

"I'll…? Glad you'll…" The Turian had a smug smile on his face, it agitated Shepard more than such a thing normally would, he had gotten used to ignoring it. This Turian though, this Vaern, was unlike others who he could just pity, he understood why the others did what they did. This Turian, it felt like Shepard himself was the one being looked upon with pity and Shepard didn't know how to deal with that. How he wanted to wipe the smugness from that Turian's face, but he couldn't.

He decided a simple, yet non conclusive answer would do: "I'll see if I can make it, if you just make sure you're there, I'll try and get there too."

"Glad to hear it Commander, I'll forward some more information on an exact date and place, just pick the one that suits you. I'll be there."


	7. Chapter 7: Meet the detective

**Meet the detective**

Kaidan looked out into the mess, two crewmembers were having their breakfast. Josh and Aly. They sat there quite motionless, grinning, it was somehow a bit of a chilling sight. He slowly approached them, when suddenly they both turned their heads towards him, "Sir?". They said it in an odd, hollow way. "Carry on." His own words didn't even seem to make sense. He walked on acting unnerved, wondering, was it some kind of weird prank? He looked at there plates for a second, but only when his eyes faced forward again he realized what lay on his plate. A heart. Josh grabbed it at one end and lifted it with two fingers towards his mouth, blood dripped onto the table, running down one of the table's legs, creating a pool of red. Josh studied it with care and then turned to Kaidan and spoke: "A regrettable accident, but atleast it makes for a good dinner", his tong touched it softly and in a flash it looked like it pulsated, "Care for a bite?" Kaidan was horrified, what the hell was going on, his stomach felt like it twisted and turned inside his body, "What are you doing!" he screamed. Suddenly a Turian stood in front of him, "Kaidan?" Kaidan looked up and saw his face, "What? No…It can't be-", With giant force he was smacked against the wall, it felt like his spine broke. "Ahh! You're dead!".

"Oh…You don't break me with one biotic slam, kid." Kid, he said kid, how did he not notice all the kids around him before, crying. One lay seemingly lifeless, three kids helplessly tugging at him. "You'll pay!" He got grabbed by the neck. "No Kaidan! This time you will pay!" His hand glared up in a blue gaze and moved up to his chin with incredible speed. "Aaahh!" Kaidan's hand hit something hard. Eyes were wide open. He was breathing heavily, his palms sweaty. He took a deep breath and released the tension after about five seconds. "Relax. Relax, just a dream." He took another deep breath and sighed "I thought I was over this."

He stepped out of the sleeping capsule and only then noticed a sharp pain, like a high toned whistle was sounding through his head. "Great! Damn, this is a good start of the day." He looked out into the mess again, his heartbeat rose slightly, but it all seemed alright, no one was at the mess table. Infact it was eerily quiet. Kaidan walked up to the coffee machine, chose a double espresso and watched it poor into his cup, which reminded him of the blood dripping from the table. He sat down quietly.

"Heya Kaidan!" Someone's hand went through his hair.

"Hmm?" Kaidan replied, noticing it was Ashley, "Oh, mornin' Chief."

She walked up to the coffee machine as well looking a lot fresher than him, her hair neatly wrapped into a bun and no faint tint of blue beneath her eyes. "Have you had some sweet dreams, LT?" He noticed she picked a cappuccino, unusual for her, since usually she liked her coffee black.

"Sweet? Not particularly. The same old things still haunt me."

She sat down at the seat opposite of him and took a sip of the steaming hot coffee. "You know, you should see a shrink about that stuff. It's no life, living with such guilt on your mind. You have nothing to blame yourself for. Well you know all that."

"I hadn't thought it about it in weeks now, it was all going well and then suddenly. Bam! One nightmare throws you off again. It doesn't really hurt me that much anymore though. It's just…annoying."

"Hmm, well I could dangle a carrot in front of you and make you forget."

"A carrot? Is this some kind of hypnosis? If it is, since when does hypnosis work with a carrot?"

"Hey, I didn't say it'd work."

He sniggered a little, "I'll be fine, after all I do have an entire day to catch my breath. What's your schedule?"

"Citadel."

* * *

><p>The Normandy elegantly swooped into the arms of the citadel and without any problems it smoothly landed in a docking area near the place the mysterious Turian Vaern wanted to meet. It had been a few days since Anderson had ordered Shepard to come to the Citadel. For the crew it was some more time to relax. Wrex had already almost completely recovered, the bruises Shepard and Ashley were covered in were starting to fade away again. It was as if the traces of them ever being on that one planet slowly faded away. Most of the crew would have a little more down-time, which they were free to spend at the Citadel. Shepard took Ashley along again, realising this might be considered strange by the rest of the crew since he didn't make a habit of bringing the same people along on consecutive missions. Kaidan would've been a more suited candidate Shepard figured, but his headache was a good excuse to keep him from doing the mission and to see how things would go between Ashley and himself. He wanted Ashley along to find out if they could still work together properly and professionally after all that had happened.<p>

* * *

><p>"So this is where we are meeting this Vaern? A dingy club in a shabby version of the Wards, perfect." Ashley sarcastically noted.<p>

"Stop complaining! Honestly, I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to take you along." He walked up to the bar, observing the room. A group of Batarians, mixed with a few Turians. Seemed like a nasty bunch, people you'd try your hardest to steer clear of, at least if Vaern wasn't part of that little gang. A few Asari sat in the far corner and a lone Quarian sat at the bar, her head slightly tilting, making Shepard suspect she had a few too many.

"Well you insisted on learning me diplomacy skills. Like that's ever gonna happen."

"And you insist on underestimating yourself. Drink?"

Ashley looked around in an obvious manner, like she was observing her surroundings, and then looked at Shepard "Hmm, let's see…We're at a rough, underworld bar and look suspiciously human. They could poison us and then rob our lifeless corpses."

"Point taken."

Ashley smirked. "Good. I'll have a red wine."

Shepard raised a brow, his lips curling into a smile. "You know, I'm not quite sure when you're serious. That's no way to converse with your Commander. This is why I should really teach you some manners."

She slapped him on the shoulder, sending a message of amused disapproval. "Hey! No naughty thoughts, remember?"

He cracked a smile. "How did you even tell I had…thoughts? You're the one playing dirty tricks." They turned towards each other, their eyes made contact, sparking a laugh. Shepard, noticing they were about to fall into the same trap again, quciky turned to the bartender, to order a red wine and a small Scotch. Of which he was surprised they even had it, since it was only commonly sold on earth and not in crummy citadel bars.

The bartender looked at them with care, he noticed something on Shepard's chest. Shepard saw him staring and looked down towards his armour's chest plate aswell. "What are you looking at?"

The bartender seemed concerned and subtly waved his hand towards him, signalling Shepard to come closer. "N7…You Alliance?" He looked over Shepard's shoulder. His eyes widened, his odd behaviour made Shepard feel uneasy. He turned around slowly. The group he had been keeping his eye on was now standing right there in front of him. Shepard frowned. "What's going on here?"

The gang was murmuring until one of them, a Turian, spoke aloud. "You see? Alliance. I knew you two were trouble the moment you got in."

Ashley joined in: "Trouble? We're just sitting here having a drink. Now get lost."

"You think you can get away with this! You bring trouble human. And you-" He pointed at Shepard "You look familiar. Familiar humans are bad news."

Shepard stretched himself a little, to make him look taller, chest forward, in an attempt to look as intimidating as he could. "Are you Vaern?"

"Who? What are you on about! I asked you a question now answer!"

"I'm a Spectre. One who doesn't like your tone. Now walk away before you make more trouble than you bargained for."

"You're the human made Spectre?" He turned to the crew behind him, they expressed the same disgust as their Turian spokesman, "That disgusts me, you stand for everything wrong! Shanxi was not enough! We should've whipped you out when we had the chance."

"That's it you bastard!" Ashley's fist clenched, she threw her arm forward and hit the Turian with an uppercut. He fell on the ground head first.

They didn't speak anymore, that stage had now been passed. One of the Batarians threw himself at Ashley, whose hands wildly pushed and pulled at him, but he held her tight, his knee kicking her till she fell onto the ground, her hands barely holding her upper body up, whilst struggling to breath.

Shepard jumped in, grabbing the Batarian's neck from behind, setting his foot behind his leg and with a swift pull he threw the gasping guy onto the ground, hard. Immediately another Batarian flew around Shepard's neck, clenching on to him. Shepard seemingly remained calm, trying not to panic, turned his back, onto which the Batarian was hanging, to the bar and ran into it. The Batarian screamed as he felt his spine hit the bar's sharp edge, he let go of Shepard, who quickly threw his elbow backwards into the Batarian's face.

Meanwhile Ashley had gotten onto her feet again, still struggling with the Turian who had now grabbed a gun, when suddenly two words stopped them. Like time had stopped, everybody stood still.

"Stand down!" They looked at the gun another Turian that must have just entered the bar was holding. "You! Drop that gun.", the guy figured he had no choice but to do so. The grip of his hand loosened and the gun fell to the ground. Ashley let go of him, walked forward a few steps, undeterred by the gun that the other Turian was now specifically aiming at her.

She spoke bluntly: "I take it you're Vaern? Williams, under Commander Shepard's command. The guy just over there." She pointed at Shepard, who spontaneously let the Batarian he had skilfully worked down go.

The Turian lowered his gun, calmly assessing the situation. "So I had noticed. Well I think we are done fighting? Shepard, Williams, if you'd be so kind as to follow me."

The gang held back, it wasn't a fight they were willing to continue. They walked away slowly, yet again murmuring.

* * *

><p>Thus Shepard and Ashley traced back through the area known as the slums of the citadel with Vaern. On the way Vaern explained C-sec's operations in the area, trying to clear the slums with the intention of making it a better looking place. Shepard, surprised he hadn't even heard anything about the slums until today, figured that to keep all of this as secret as possible from most people it had to be covered in endless layers of political red tape. Slums don't make for the best of advertising after all. After a solid fifteen minutes walking they arrived at a slightly shabby place, which Vaern referred to as his temporary home from home. He was always on the move, living where his jobs were. Once inside, they sat down, whilst the Turian was pouring the three of them some kind of alcoholic drink that neither Shepard nor Ashley knew. Whatever it was, it had the bitterness of beer, the fruitiness of a red wine and just the slightest hint of something that seemed to taste an awful lot like raw Varren. Vaern sat down as well and broke the silence:<p>

"Undoubtedly there are certain things you want to know about me. Well. I'm not the typical pompous stuck-in-the-mud military career kind of Turian, although I came close. Neither am I your boisterous rebelling hothead. I am what you call unique, Shepard." He looked at Shepard in a gloating manner, proud of the way he differentiated himself from the rest of his kind.

"Indeed. You're clearly a proud, prudent, piece of garbage." Shepard didn't like him. He hated the guy already. The mannerisms and the self-esteem. By the looks of it he was just as much the proud Turian as the next. In his effort to separate himself from the rest, he only brought himself closer to the pack.

Ashley moved a little closer to the Commander, she whispered: "Is this what you call diplomacy…sir? If it is, maybe I'll be good at it after all."

"Now that's not very nice. For a Spectre you really have the manners of any regular scumbag, did they stop giving PR training, or what?" He smiled faintly, friendly, yet challenging. He wasn't easy to miss, with stripes of purple walking down his face. He wore combat armour, red and black. It reminded Shepard of Nihlus, the Spectre who was to guide him on Eden Prime, but received a bullet to the head by Saren instead. "But you aren't regular scumbag Shepard, are you? 'Cause if you were the chances you would've met me would've been much, much smaller."

"Oh I'm so impressed and honoured that we meet you here today, sir Vaern." Ashley said touting her lips. The sarcasm in the words she had uttered was hard to miss.

"Delighted miss Williams."

"That's Gunnery Chief Williams to you."

He grinned and spoke laughingly: "Oh no it isn't." it made her smile as well. A turian of all people. She didn't really like him, certainly didn't trust him, but she was drawn to him, somehow, somewhere they were alike. "We should really get down to business. As you both know, I know more than you feel comfortable with. So obviously you'd just love me to fill in the gaps for you. In that case, I'll state it immediately: I don't have all the answers just some clues."

It was no more than what Shepard was used too, plenty of personality, but nothing else. "Are you just gonna give it to us, or are we going to play some more games?" He never had high expectations from this Turian but he was different than most guys who requested his time. He had to give him that, he had confidence born out of more than just ignorance. It had given Shepard hope that he would've been more useful than others.

"That excavation team you were searching? Murdered in cold blood. Someone wanted that technology, somehow knew of its existence and recognised its potential."

"What kind of proof do you have to back that up?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Simple, I was after it aswell." He stated this with little care, like it was supposed to mean nothing.

Shepard looked quizzically. "After what exactly?"

"You mean you don't even know? Typical Alliance, likes to leave even the most trusted people in the dark. It's a prototype Assault unit, effective on the ground and in the air. Small, unmanned, big ships have no chance of hitting it and it can bury itself into the ground striking at ground troops from beneath. If it turns out to be as effective as predicted, it could well change the face of battle. That's all I've heard anyway."

"Yeah really little. Why the hell were you after an Alliance prototype?"

"Ashamed as I am to admit it, it's a job for Turian government." He saw how stunned Shepard looked, maybe he was more naïve than Vaern had anticipated. "Oh, why so surprised? That technology could be really valuable, Turians don't like getting behind when it comes to warfare. After all look at how they pride themselves in it. Imagine the newcomer getting ahead. Desperate situation. What to do? What to do? Panic! And then a solution: steal it, make schematics of it etcetera and then return it to the rightful owner. Technically, nothing wrong with that." He brought it with a lot of drama in his voice, like he was acting out a play, making his life seem like an act as well. Shepard could only wonder if the real Vaern was different from the one he saw.

Curious as he was, Shepard kept his focus on the matter at hand. "Sounds like you don't think it's right either."

Ashley frowned, she refrained herself from ranting about the way the Turians apparently stole Alliance material. "That's because stealing isn't Skipper." She turned to Vaern, "So why do it than?"

"Look I'm no rich guy. I need the money and they happen to pay me pretty well to keep it all hushed." Ashley noticed how he scratched the back of his head whilst talking, she figured it was a sensitive subject. Apparently, for all his boosting, he didn't have a lot to show for it.

Shepard smiled. "The irony. So what exactly do you have to offer?"

"A trail." He hesitated to say more, he looked down only to quickly face Shepard again. "Shepard, I want to ask you something."

"A trail sounds about as vague as can be. And please, stop wasting my time here and ask."

"I want to assist you, help you get it back and if you want it back too, you're going to need me on your ship."

* * *

><p><em>Author's note: It's been longer than I thought, which is probably an indicator for the next few chapters as well. Can't keep a tight schedule at the moment. In case of this chapter, I'm afraid it might have suffered a little from my inspiration being drained by the schoolstuff I had to work on. It ended a little abruptly because I wanted to publish it, since I fear I might not get much done in the coming weeks and don't wan to keep delaying it all forever. I tried my hand at a bit of hand-to-hand combat and also a bit at the surreal the surreal. If you want to let me know how I'm doing, that's much appreciated! Hope you enjoyed the chapter<em>


	8. Chapter 8: Along for the ride

_Back with another chapter, as always, it took longer than I had liked, but I won't dwell on that again. Reviews are also still very welcome as it's the best way (and certainly the fastest, since the only other way is just to keep wrtiting and reflecting) for me to find out where to improve. Hope you'll enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong>Along for the ride<strong>

"You've got some guts Vaern, why the hell would you need to go along? You work for Turian military, who's to say you won't turn your back on me at any moment?"

"Would I have told you all this if I planned to betray you Shepard!" It was a first, but Vaern lost his cool, it seemed like Shepard had found the Turian's sense of pride. When he had confessed everything he seemingly knew and still wouldn't be trusted, he became vulnerable. Or maybe he was annoyed that the conversation went down the way it did, half expecting he would be done and aboard the Normandy already.

Shepard was silent for a moment, but Ashley wasn't going to let him off with that remark, "Yes, you would! You'd do all this to gain our trust, get to the prototype Alliance fighter and then turn your backs on us, with the priceless possession in your hands!" she turned to Shepard, "we can't let him go along, it's too risky."

"Yeah, I'm inclined to agree, Ash."

Vaern waved their distrust away with a swiping hand gesture. "There is more behind this then simple theft Commander. It's more personal than you might think."

"And this just proves you are still playing games with me. Cut the crap for once!"

With Shepard losing his calm Vaern seemed to regain some of his, like they were a scale being tipped in favour of one and then the other again. "I had hoped to avoid blackmail, but here we are. I'm not telling you unless you take me along. It's up to you if you want to take the risk of not knowing what you're up against. That simple."

"So this is how you really wanna play it?"

Shepard got an agitated reply "No, you made me play it this way. I'm sure you have sources that can tell you who I am, if that's what you want to know. I won't bother giving you anything since you wouldn't trust it anyway…" He held a pause, like he was hesitant to finish the sentence, "Although, maybe I'll sent you something regardless. Now have a think about it and we'll either meet again soon or you'll never hear of me again."

He suddenly kept it short and simple, pointed Shepard and Ashley to door in a cold yet polite manner and said his goodbyes, reminding them of the stakes that they were still unaware of.

* * *

><p>"Good to see you in one piece Shepard." His old captain clenched Shepard's hand in his and grabbed his shoulder with the other.<p>

Shepard smiled; he always relaxed in Anderson's presence, ever since he had re-assigned the Normandy to him. "Good to see indeed! What about you?"

"I'll be direct, I've been concerned." He frowned and held his silence for a moment. "You're getting reckless. And if that wasn't enough, it seems like you're slowly shedding your ties with the Alliance."

Shepard walked over to the balcony of the small room and waited till Anderson sat down in a chair beside him, turned to the chair next to it and sat himself down gently. "Do you have any idea of the weight that lies on my shoulders? I was never prepared. I had no training to become a Spectre, I'm expected to just go with it. And now that the lives of millions may depend on me, and yet I still get thrown round the head with requests for help, maybe it isn't so surprising I find it more difficult to cope than I had first imagined."

Anderson looked him in the eyes silently, the longer he remained silent the fainter the background noises of the sprawling Citadel became. Shepard expected a long sigh and a fatherly speech.

"Brandy?" was the reply he got. Anderson stood up, moved towards a side table with a firm pace and, without bothering to wait for a reply, poured two glasses of Brandy. He returned to Shepard with a glass in each hand and offered Shepard one, who in turn silently accepted. Anderson didn't sit down, but instead stared across the Citadel. "Maybe we shouldn't have rushed the process as much as we did, but it's too late for that. Alliance Command is starting to doubt whether you were the right candidate."

Shepard frowned, it was like even Anderson was throwing dirt at him now. "They don't understand! The Alliance expects too much, you can't be a Spectre and Alliance Commander without compromising something and my Spectre mission is too important. The deeper I sink into this Alliance mission, the deeper I sink into a damned mess! Wanna know why I'm getting reckless? Because of them." He pointed his finger at Anderson, accusingly, but he didn't know why.

Anderson looked contemplative as he took a sip of brandy, closed his eyes and let it glide down his throat, sensing the tingling sensation for a few seconds afterwards. His eyes moved away from the lively scenery displayed in front of him and turned towards Shepard again. "That's what makes this so hard for me. I understand exactly how you feel, but you have to understand the Alliance's position. Most beginning Spectre's don't start with big jobs like this, they start with ending up loose ties and work their way up too bigger things. They have time to serve their own people as well as the council."

"Then maybe it's time Alliance Command started looking at my situation." He downed half the glass of brandy in one go and shook his head as if to wash it away.

"The first Human Spectre turned his back on his own kind. Would you want that to be the headlines of every major news corporation in the galaxy? That right there is what the Admirals are afraid of."

"Political games can't come first! That's insane! If I can't judge the importance of what I need to do myself, then consider me neither first human Spectre, nor Alliance soldier any more!"

"Please, just promise me you finish this one job at least, then continue your hunt for Saren. It'll put them at rest for a while."

Anderson looked a little saddened, Shepard thought, like what he was saying went in against what he believed. Maybe Anderson was turning into a politician faster than he liked to believe. Shepard stared down the glass of brandy, pondering whether to mention his issue with Vaern. He took another big sip, tried to find a comfortable position in his chair, moving his legs one way and then the other, but failed to do so. "The thing is, I'm stuck on that mission. The only way is…I can only do this with the help of a Turian detective named Vaern." He looked in Anderson's eyes to see if he might've recognised the name and approve of it, but Anderson just looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "This Vaern, says he's doing this for the Turian Military, although I don't know what he really wants to get out of all this. Won't tell what he knows unless he can come along though. I'm not sure if I can trust him."

"You usually know instantly when you can't trust someone. If he's your way forward, use it. If he's digging you a grave, don't. But, it's your call."

"You wouldn't say it falls under the category reckless?"

"I would say it does. But let's face it…You're not the one who chose to endanger yourself for this, it's the Alliance. Maybe taking a bit of risk isn't as bad of an idea as I thought. You have an amazing ability to survive, just look at Akuze. I'm not really worried for your life Shepard, but for that of your crew. So…" Anderson fell quiet for a moment, put the glass to his lips, but pulled it back before he could drink from it, "I don't know Shepard. I should've seen this earlier, but I can't tell you to not take some risk. I'm sorry, I know you hoped I would have had some kind of solution, but really, I don't."

"Then it's settled. I'll welcome the Turian aboard." With those words they were silent for a moment, both pondering what would lie ahead of them.

Eventually it was Anderson who broke the silence again, "How's the crew holding up?"

"They seem to be managing fine, Wrex had a few scratches and fractures thanks to that collapsing rock wall, but well, he's a Krogan, he'll be fine. How about you Anderson? How are you holding up?"

"This is not my line of work, I can't stand this political stage, but I'll hold out. Not as much of a chance to catch some breath as I had thought. And talking about no chance to relax, I've got an appointment with Udina that starts…five minutes ago." He grabbed Shepard by the shoulder, and if Shepard was frank it told him more than all the words they had just uttered, it was like this gesture seemed to say: _You'll do this Shepard, you'll pull it off. I'm proud of you._

"Late huh? That's always a good way to piss the politicians off." Shepard said laughingly, "It was good to talk, now go out there and have fun playing your political games"

"Yeah, thanks for that. Don't forget your poor old captain next time you visit the Citadel." He walked away, slightly rushed by the annoying notion Udina would undoubtedly have a preach ready for him about punctuality. The door slid open and revealed Ashley waiting on the other side. "Chief" he nodded and walked past, wondering why she was standing there.

"Hey Skipper, someone ever tell you, you work too hard?" She stood in the door entry, waiting for him to approach.

"One guy keeps reminding me of that."

"Does that guy solely exist in your mind by any chance?"

"I sure think so." He took a few steps forward, maintaining his cool, not letting his heartbeat determine his pace.

"Anyway, I was thinking you might wanna join me for a drink and a dance at Flux?" Ashley said, pointing in its general direction.

"Dancing? You have no idea how hard I have to work for that."

"I don't know, want to see that infamous wiggle for myself." She shook her thighs a little, and although it was intended as a bit of tease, there was something strangely sexual about it to Shepard.

"Who told you about that? Actually, never mind, next time I see Joker I'll warn him he might not have to bother about as many brittle bones anymore if he keeps leaking private information."

She smiled "Sounds like you two will have fun with that. So…?"

"I don't know…Maybe I just wanna sit quietly on a bench on the Presidium-" She grabbed his hand and dragged him along before he could finish his sentence. He had little desire to resist.

"No you don't. We're going to Flux and that's final."

"You weren't kidding when you said the Williams family is a decisive bunch."

"Damn straight."

* * *

><p>"No! I'm telling you, shoved a gun right in the old bastard's face! I've never seen him freak out like that." Joker's arms were waving about in excitement, nearly hitting the oblivious Quarian sitting next to him, drowning himself in one drink after another, undoubtedly a casualty of a failure of a pilgrimage and finally he ended up in a club in the wards he could only describe as filthy.<p>

Kaidan shook his head "You're such a drama queen Joker, know that?"

"Yeah, and you're a boring-" He felt a hand suddenly resting on his shoulder, when he looked up he saw Garrus standing behind him.

Garrus had an excited look in his eyes. "Have you heard? We got a new crew member. Another Turian, the name's Vaern."

Joker whispered to Kaidan a little too loud: "Great, can't get enough of those guys with a pole up their ass."

Kaidan, intentionally ignoring Joker, looked up, "Vaern? That must be the Turian detective Ashley mentioned. She wasn't so sure whether or not to trust him."

"When is she ever?" Joker replied half-smirking.

"Yeah, but he's wild. Not one of those C-sec stick in the … how do you say, pasta's? No red-tape, no half measures."

Kaidan raised a brow, wondering whether Garrus really appreciated such values. "Put it that way and he sounds like a chicken that got his head chopped of, running around sporting guns."

Garrus laughed and replied, "I did say detective right? As in: clever guy, takes note of the details and free to take action whenever he needs to."

Joker "Or a cynic would say whenever he feels like it. Good thing I'm not a cynic, right Kaidan?" He nudged him as hard as he could without causing himself severe arm damage.

"Yeah, thank god we've been blessed with a likable sunshine and bunny's kind of guy." Kaidan turned to Garrus again "I'm not sure we should trust him like that, I just hope he plays nice and doesn't turn his back on us whenever things get a little too hot for him, or when he sees the chance to take back the prize himself. Still, we should at least give him a chance."

* * *

><p>The sweeping curves, slight hip movement and determined walk forward, he took it all in. Her way of addressing the bartender, the subtle, polite smile and the not-so-subtle arm movements, guiding the barkeep to the desired drinks. He was as afraid of thinking it as he was of saying it, but by the way he was mesmerised he could only conclude one thing, over and over again. <em>I love you. <em>He'd never say it of course, but he'd always think it, with slight anxiety of the consequences. They might've told each other, they'd hold off for now, but it was too late, they were already tainted with the burdens of love. He imagined what would happen if she got hit on the battlefield, would he rush headlong towards her? Without a second thought, carelessly throwing himself away for her? Or could he be sensible and cold headed? Questions, questions, questions. Shepard was a man of questions more than one of answers, but he could never allow it to compromise his leadership. Until now apparently. It happened slowly, subtly. How do you fight against something like that?

"Hello-o, what are you dreaming about now?" She sat down next to him, sliding his drink over the table without spilling the contents.

He looked at her, not bothering to hide the concern that stood on his face. "You don't wanna know."

She squinted her eyes, then smiled "But I do..."

"It's better this way, trust me."

She lost interest in the game they were playing, not bothering to continue it she looked around until her eyes met the dance floor. "Do you want to hit the dance floor or get pissed first?"

"Hang on." He grabbed the drink firmly, looked at it for a moment, took a deep breath and drank it in one go. His eyes widened, teared up and he quickly tried to rub the tears away with the back of his hand as he turned to look at Ashley. "Let's dance." Determined to switch roles with her, he stood up as quickly as he could, nearly stumbling over the leg of the chair, grabbed Ashley by the arm and pushed her onto the dance floor.

"Easy there Skipper, or you'll sprain an ankle … or worse and fall into the arms of that big bulky Krogan there." She nodded towards him. Bulky certainly was an accurate description, even by Krogan standards. He didn't dance so much as slowly walk, his eyes following the tantalizing moves of an Asari, as he was being painstakingly obvious in trying to disguise his desire for her.

"A Krogan on the dance floor? You've got to be kidding." He looked around but barely saw a damn thing, as the drink had kicked in a little sooner and a little harsher than he had thought.

Ashley looked at Shepard in an endearing way, enjoying his company, trying to forget all the troubles around her. She had realised that this wasn't going to last long and she'd be back chasing whatever before she could recite a full verse of Tennyson. "Yeah, and he's still a better dancer than you." She took hold of Shepard, and slowly let go, letting her fingertips touch him for as long as she could. Suddenly he swept her across the dance floor with surprising elegance. They were both going to capitalise on the brief moment of downtime they still had, dancing as close as they could.

And yet Ashley couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, she was going against what she had promised to herself, she was crossing the faint line she had drawn like it had become a sport to see how far she could go without getting spotted. Shepard, noticing the concern that wouldn't go away, lay his hand in her neck, softly caressing her hair. "Relax, nothing's going to happen and if it is, we can always blame the booze." She sighed and let the tention go.


	9. Chapter 9: Final destination?

_Author's note/update:Chapter is a tad on the short side, but with exams not too far away I probably won't have the time to work on it next month, so I figured I'd put it up now. This chapter is mainly intended to develop some characters I introduced a little further. I've also tried to add a more philosophical tone to the chapter, maybe I'll do so more often. As always: Hope you enjoy the read!_

* * *

><p><strong>A final destination?<strong>

Freedom. _The means to chaos and insubordination, for such dangers there is no place in the military. Its purpose is to make us see choice, noble, but we aren't that noble. We are lazy, despicable creatures, we need someone to hold us tight or we will calmly let our society decay. That's why we believe in hierarchy, that's why we will not tolerate insubordinates, and that's why we have the largest and most feared military force in the entire galaxy! _The foolish general once said, you'd only have to look at a ship like this to realise how wrong he is. Hard to believe it was co-engineered with Turians in the first place. An Asari doctor, who seems rather naïve, although she notices a lot more than you'd think. A Quarian, one of the nomads of the Galaxy, you'd expect her to have stolen something by now and yet she seems so loyal to a human. A goddamned Krogan, but nobody's been severely injured or eaten thus far. All that under the command of a Spectre because they chose to follow him themselves and the odd thing is … it works.

Vaern -still processing what he had seen from the very moment he set foot on the Normandy- looked at Shepard who was quietly sitting at his desk with his back turned to the Turian. He smirked. "Funny bunch you have Shepard."

"Funny?" He answered somewhat dryly, trying to read through some status reports.

"Funny. You bring aboard some of the least trustworthy types and yet…No one stabbed you in the back yet."

"I took you aboard Vaern. It should be obvious I give everyone a chance. Even those that don't deserve it."

"All you need now is a Salarian, a Hanar, a Volus and an Elcor and you've got yourself a regular Noah's ark."

Shepard turned around and looked at him seemingly intrigued. "You read Human mythology? And by the way you'd still need their male or female counterpart."

"You do? Well what do I care, it's not my mythology. I only read half of it. I was really intrigued with humans, they felt so…familiar to me. Thus I thought: let's read what had been the number one human book for a long time! Left me disappointed to be honest. A spiritual and moral guide to live your life? Your morals must've been just as twisted as ours then. " Vaern said, all the while scratching his chin.

"Undoubtedly they were, and sometimes, I get the feeling they still are."

"Oh yes, you're right there." He held his head at an angle "What about Chief Williams? She's religious yes? Sometimes you just have to scratch your head and wonder why."

"Ashley? She's very tolerant about it, trust me, she's no bible thumper. Besides, you can't disprove her, can you?"

"It's … I'll never understand people are willing to take such a leap of faith."

"Funny. So did I, until I let you come aboard." Shepard couldn't help but smirk at his remark.

"Funny? Are you always this facetious Shepard? What's the point you're so desperately trying to make exactly?"

"You were going to tell me how to find something I believe? Now would be a good time."

Vaern folded his arms and frowned. "Turning the tables on me, are we?"

"No _we_ aren't. I am."

"Quite. You'll get your answer in due time."

"And when the hell is due time? Look it's not to late to kick you off this ship yet!" He pointed vaguely in the direction of the airlock.

"Spot on! It's not too late to kick me off this ship yet."

"So you're not gonna tell me until we left the dock? Is that the game we are playing now?"

"You're really quite good at this." Vaern held a pause, his eyes ran towards the picture standing on Shepard's desk. It showed a few other humans posing together and then one of Shepard and some kind of animal he couldn't recognise, he looked a lot younger still. Suddenly he noticed Shepard staring at him. "You're looking at me like that again. Trust me, I'll tell you, I'm an honest nuisance."

"Maybe I trust you just enough to believe you will tell me." Visibly annoyed he rubbed his hand over his neck, he sat there quiet for a moment to set his true emotions aside. "Alright we'll play by your rules for now, so until you're going to tell me, let me ask you something: Were you always like this?"

"You wanna know my life story? No. I've been lots of different persons, most of them left me shattered, tends to make you a bit cynical. There was really only one thing I had consistently been: Obedient. If I wasn't obedient to a soldier, it was to a mercenary or hell, an anarchist even. And every time, every damn time, they let me down. They'd always reveal there idiocy at some point. I lived in a world of lunatics Shepard, and I still do, but now I don't care about them anymore. I do what I desire. It's not always a particularly pretty philosophy maybe, but it's better than most that I've been part of." Vaern uttered these words with confidence, Shepard figured he must've had a rough life, but he believed he had finally found his place. He wasn't going to let the Turian get away with it that easily though, not without challenging him, it was the only way to get to know him, Shepard thought.

"You work for Turian military because you desire to do so? I thought you told me it was because you had to. Money."

"Yes, well, 'I do what I desire' is my motto if you will, an ideal. Doesn't work out so well when you haven't got a cred to lose. But you miss the point. You see this mission, _I_ chose how I'd handle it. I could've turned to others if I wante-"

"You turned to me because you had no where else to turn. Face it, if you live in a world of lunatics, you won't have many friends. You either needed me, my ship, or my crew to ensure your mission will be a success. Even then, how you want to make it into a success I still have no idea off, since that Alliance prototype is returning to its rightful owner, unless you will be the first member of my crew to place a knife between my ribs."

"No, this is becoming repetitive, I won't betray you Shepard and don't worry I'll think of some way to get my creds…I always think ahead. And maybe you don't realise it, but what if I went aboard this ship because I simply wanted to work alongside the great Commander Shepard? Maybe I just saw the opportunity and jumped on it." There was a second game they had started to play, a much more personal one. Vaern was going to keep Shepard guessing about him, and if he was to truly understand Vaern, he'd have to figure it out all by himself.

"I don't believe that. I do believe you have a trick up your sleeve, but I don't know what, not yet at least."

"You'll figure me out Shepard."

"In due time, right?"

Vaern laughed, something that somehow made him sound strangely trustworthy and kind. "Charmingly put."

* * *

><p>"Hey En." She'd been a pain to find, but in a place that looked like a cross between Flux and Chora's Den, called The Copper Garden -where everything was appropriately tinted in an orangy brown- Ashley finally saw her. "What are you doing here?"<p>

Enya sat on a barstool, her hands firmly placed underneath her chin. "Not much, drowning myself in booze maybe."

"Oh lord, you'd be an awful alcoholic. Three glasses of that … green sludge you've got there and you'd be huddling under your stool."

"Says you! And I'll let you know that three glasses of this stuff would be the equivalent of downing half a bottle of Scotch!" Her head bobbed around a little, thus she made an effort to hold still. Instead of getting it to stop moving she noticed that tears stood in her eyes.

"You're making for a classic example of drinking ones sorrow away, you know." Ashley sat down next to her, her hand clamping on to Enya's shoulder. "Hey, look, I don't want to be demeaning, what happened is absolutely awful and I'm not gonna try to make you feel better about it, it'll take time. I'm sorry for you En, just not sure how to … react."

"Do you think he's up there, like, still around somewhere?" Her eyes looked upwards, she wondered whether the thought of a heaven would bring her any solace. On the one hand she'd never have to say goodbye, nor have to feeling she lost someone forever. On the other hand what reason was there to assume such a thing? Could she ever truly _believe _it, if not than there would be no comfort in the thought. And is it really pleasant to think someone could watch your every move? Enya blinked her eyes; she'd never found the time or interest to think about such questions and rather swept them aside with a smile and a joke when really there was little reason for a smile or to be witty. She had never liked the 'deep questions of life' and found more joy in the clearly visible moment.

"I'm pretty sure of it, just like that my dad's up there. That brings comfort." Her hand squeezed a little tighter.

"But how can you be so sure? Yeah maybe it brings comfort, but that doesn't make it true."

"Well, I'm not saying I have the truth. I just look at this universe and … It doesn't satisfy me the way it is, if I wanna make sense of it, there has to be more to it."

"Maybe it's not intended to be satisfying." She took a deep breath and sighed "I'm not sure Ash, I'm glad you've come to find me though."

Ashley nodded towards the drink standing in front of Enya, "So still gonna drown yourself in booze?", she looked a little concerned

"Neh, might skip that bit … I, I'm not sure I wanna talk about dad right now, it's too much…like, too soon, I got to process it first."

"Yeah, I get that. It took me quite while before I was willing to talk about it too. But you learn to live with it, eventually."

"Thanks." Enya looked down, she felt Ashley's hand caressing her shoulder. "So where have you been hanging out?"

"Me and Shepard had a meeting with that Turian detective fellow. Turns out we're taking him aboard, not sure how I feel about that, I mean, he's the least trustworthy one we've recruited yet." ,She frowned and let a small sigh go, "And after that we went to flux. I love that place."

Enya smiled mischievously, "You and Shepard eh?" She nudged Ashley, trying to get her mind of her dad's fate.

"Hey, it's all perfectly decent!" She couldn't help but chuckle. Her hand moved away from Enya's shoulder and she rested them on the bar instead. A vague dreamy glow sparkled in her eyes. "I know what you're thinking, but it's not like that. We're keeping the fire nice and controlled."

"So not the same kind of 'controlled' as it was with me and Adam?"

"No, not controlled as in driving a car without brakes and a brick placed on the gaspedal."

"Did you kiss?"

"No! Ofcourse not, I-"

"Can tell you're lying!" She pointed at her face, the smile that Ashley had tried to suppress; her eyes were completely focussed, showing the intent to get to the bottom of it. For a moment she completely forgot about her dad. "Do you remember what you used to tell me, Miss Hypocritical?"

"Stop it En! It was just one … accident, heat of the moment, you of all people should know the thing."

"Ah yes sure, I know all about it" She moved a little closer to Ash, still smirking. "In fact I'm a bit of a self-proclaimed expert, aren't I?" Deep down the thought hurt her, but she saw no real use in denying her past, it happened the way it happened, nothing was going to change that. What would be the point of wanting it different anyway?

"Well how are we going to end up then Miss Having-slutted-about-so-much-I-know-it-all?" Ash quickly regretted the remark, as she immediately reminded herself of the state Enya was in. She had to be gentle and yet this very moment she failed to do so.

"Hey, play nice you! And if you really wanna know, you're _clearly_ gonna end up sharing you're love, or as you call it, sluttiness in the Captain's quarters."

Ashley laughed "Yeah sure and how did you come to that conclusion?"

"Why else is there a king sized bunk?"

"I think I do love him though En. He's quite sweet, you know?"

"Well, he has class, I'll give you that."

"Yeah, there's something in his look, it just…Damnit, It just sweeps me off my feet." She shook her head and smiled.

Enya smiled back at Ash, as she was genuinely happy for her. "What does he think about you? Do you know? I mean, he's a bit introvert."

"He feels the same way as I do, he said so himself. And I guess that's why we both want more than the regs and a good, rational pair of brains allow us to have. In Flux, when we were dancing, it all felt so right and yet ..."

"Yet you craved for more? So, I suppose, you are both _dancing_ around that issue, huh?"

Ashley raised a brow when she saw the smirk on Enya's face. "You look way too proud of that pun, WAY too. But, talking about love, how about you? Still interested in Joker?"

"Kinda, but I don't know, sometimes it's like he's already in love with his damn ship. God forbid them to ever give it a voice, or it'll turn into all kinds of creepy." She suddenly looked away for a moment, Ash wasn't sure what she was checking but got an answer before she could ask. "Hey Ash, isn't it about time to get back to the Normandy?"

"Wha-" She paused for a second as she looked at the time, "Damn, better get our asses in gear!"

* * *

><p>"Decontamination in progress" The airlock slowly closed, the Normandy was almost ready to leave the docks again and to move into the wonderous depths of the galaxy. Just a century ago mankind had doubted whether they'd ever be able to explore the universe thoroughly beyond the Solar system and now they had access to an entire galaxy. One that is more intriguing than they had imagined, one filled with life. Which was one of the greatest mysteries yet to understand. They had never considered that the galaxy offered so many different species, that shared such great similarities. For some this is a reason to believe we are all created by something that is mightier than any of us. Others suggest that we all share a common origin that spread throughout the galaxy, like a dandelion whose seeds spread as they are carried by the wind. Scientists often pleaded for better funding of research projects that tried to unveil this mystery, but they barely ever got it. Whether it was a lack of interest or a fear that the research might reveal unwanted knowledge was never clear. Many of them therefore turned to the Protheans, -a subject that did actually garner the interest of those with the money- for society was largely based on what is believed to be their technology. Investors often funded Prothean research in the hopes that an amazing piece of technology would be found or unravelled. The scientists on the other hand often turned to them to try to find out whether they had sound answers to our unanswered questions.<p>

The clamps that held the ship in place were released and the ship moved backwards, very slowly turning. Joker calmly steered it away from the docks, heading towards the space that surrounded the Citadel and -more specifically- the Mass Relay. His eyes moved over the various screens, checking if everything was correct and then set off, wondering where Vaern was going to send them.


End file.
